Well, we started packing yesterday. I was reminded of the fact that packing isn’t fun, and not only that, I’m not very good at it. I feel like Jeff wants to repack the boxes I pack. This is not an unfamiliar feeling. I sometimes feel like Jeff wants to reclean things I clean, and he wants to reorganize the dishwasher after I’ve filled it. Luckily for me, we’re in that good place in our relationship where he knows not to do these things, or just to offer to do them first. 🙂 After being married 8 years, we’ve got all those little things down pat. I really am thankful to be in such a healthy relationship. And to be married to such a good guy. Anyway, back to moving. So, yep, we’re moving. We plan to be out of this house and into our next one in a month (hopefully!). Here’s something kind of weird though, we’re moving to a house that’s very near our old house. I don’t know why that’s weird to me, it just is. You know, like going back to an old job–I think you can get the feeling that you’re going back instead of forward. Jeff says that’s ridiculous and to please not say it. And he’s right, I know. We’re not going backward. It just feels weird, driving home will be so familiar. To be honest, I like change. I like living in different places. I like the chance to start fresh, to feel the hope of being somewhere new. And this house we’re moving to is new to us, and I’m already losing sleep at night thinking of how I will decorate the dining room and Ashtyn’s room.
But have you ever had that feeling of going back instead of forward? Maybe it’s in your relationship status or non-status, or in your career, or in something like having to move back in with Mom and Dad when you thought that was behind you? I think this can be a difficult feeling to work with. For me, enough has changed that moving back to the same neighborhood isn’t really a big deal. In fact, at this point, I am really looking forward to it. We’ve got friends there that I’ve missed and who I totally want to be involved with. And for me, just living in a new place is a good thing. But I do understand those feelings people have of going backward sometimes, instead of forward. We want to be moving forward in life. Sometimes I think about where Jeff and I are, and I wonder, was this what I expected for us at this place in our lives? Was this where I thought we would be? You know those goals you make early on? Your 5-year, 10-year, or 15-year goals? I think those are healthy. I like goals. But life doesn’t unfold like a perfectly folded map. Things happen you can’t expect. Life takes turns and twists and even U-turns that you don’t expect. And that’s part of the adventure.
I like adventure. And it can feel out of your reach when your life is busy with a job and a family and a toddler who needs so much of your attention–not to mention being pregnant can make you feel like you will never go on another adventure that doesn’t include diaper bags and pacifiers. When I start to feel this way, Jeff is so good about reminding me that we will have awesome family adventures as our kids grow up. I’m excited for that.
One of the things that I’ve really tried hard to do in my own life is to practice contentment. I think it makes all the difference in living a happy life versus an unhappy life. The other day Jeff was starting to list all these things that we should be doing or need to start doing–and I stopped him. I told him that piling lists like that on ourselves invites a whole lot of guilt. There are things we may need to change or do differently. But overall, what we need to do is love and take care of each other. And that’s already our main priority. And I could just hear his voice relax as he said, “You know, you’re right.” Adding pressure doesn’t help. So, if you’ve ever felt like you’ve gone backward instead of forward in life–you’re not alone. And it’s okay. God’s got a plan for all of us, and sometimes I think it includes U-turns.