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The Second Time Around

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So I’m already noticing how different (and yet the same) this pregnancy is from my first one. The main difference is me. The nausea and fatigue early on were there last time, too. But this time around, there’s not this anticipation that my whole world is going to change. Even though it will, of course. But going from zero babies in the house to having a baby was just about epic for me. I still feel clueless sometimes, but I guess it’s not as scary this time since I know I’ve survived childbirth and having a newborn once before. (Even though let me be clear that childbirth is still rather terrifying to me. I try not to think about it.)

But of course, last time I didn’t have a toddler running around the house and Jeff didn’t have such a long commute. Those two factors are pretty noticeable at the moment. All of it’s manageable, but I want to more than just manage this. I want to remember it. This is epic experience #2 for me, after all. Another baby. More change. A new life to know and love. In some ways it’s less scary; in some ways it’s more overwhelming. How will I balance everything? If I’m so tired right now, what about when I’m getting up all night feeding the new baby? Will Ash ever be potty-trained? If so, when is that miracle going to occur? I wish it would hurry up.

In the back of my mind are other questions. I was talking to my mom this week about the fact that we live super close to a huge Care and Share facility and how I wish I had time to volunteer or get involved over there. I’m wondering at what point in my life I’ll be able to do those things again. Helping others is important to me and Jeff. But you can only spread yourself so thin before it’s going to show in ways you don’t want it to. Like your relationships. So I remind myself that there is a time and a season for everything in life. My time now is meant for my family. Nurturing Ash and protecting the little one inside me. I’m also working/editing and thinking about our upcoming move. And that’s enough. With my emotional upheaval and sinking energy level, I can’t take much more than that right now. And I think I’ve got to recognize my own limitations. While keeping in mind that this is one season in my life. There will be others. But rushing through them to reach what’s next isn’t really living. It’s just rushing. And for me, these are not moments to rush. They are the moments that make up a life. My life.

I was thinking about my sister Laura this week. She’s 17. I was thinking about how she’s in the process of becoming who she’s going to be as an adult. There are times I wish I could go back to being 17 and tell myself what not to do during that process. But it occurred to me that becoming who we are is really an ongoing process. There are things about me that have changed just in the last few years. Significant things. Major changes. It’s ongoing–this process of growing and changing. And to me, that gives us hope. We can always get better, stronger, wiser, healthier. We keep growing into the people we’ll be at the end of our lives. It’s a good thing. So I’m reminding myself today that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven.” (Eccl. 3:1)

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About Brandy

Brandy Bruce is a Bookvana award-winning author, editor, wife, mother, and someone who really loves dessert. She has a BA in English from Liberty University. She currently works as a freelance editor--reading, writing, editing, and making good use of online dictionaries. She's married to Jeff and has three beautiful children.

6 responses »

  1. I could have written this post. Every word. Some days I am super excited about having another little life around here, and sometimes I want to pretend it’s not actually happening. Some times I feel guilty for spending all my time taking care of my own family, and little time taking care of others. Other times I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my family. And, like you I keep telling myself I don’t want to survive this, I want to savor this!

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  2. Brandy, Nice post! Pregnancy – the 2nd time – I think the good news is the labor is shorter and the time flies by so fast, since you are busy with another baby! hang in there!!! I am still anxious about it the 3rd time:)- maybe after 6 times I might just be a pro…

    I feel the same way as Abbey above…either way I am always feeling guilty…not spending my time for others who are less unfortunate or a friend/neighbor who just need to talk for an hour or so – makes me feel really guilty ALSO spending my time away from the kids and Mark doing other things for those people who are less fortunate or in need also makes me feel guilty. I wonder, where is the balance? The sweetness of this is Mark’s support, even after 2 girls night out in a row – he still smiles and hugs me as I walk in the door!.. this washes the guilt- temporary…

    Potty training – Oh my! my girl has decided she is the boss of everything, so I doubt I will ever succeed in that role until she understand she is just the child and I am the mom. Good luck and share the tips as you go along OR in case you might want to kill 2 birds with one stone – you are welcome!

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  3. I love that verse – for everything there is a season. I know exactly what you mean, too. I have a sister who is 18 and just figuring life out. . . and I wonder if I could go back what would change in my own life. But I feel so blessed that I’d never wish for that.

    Congratulations to you, by the way!

    Ladaisi Blog

    Reply

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