So tonight Jeff asked me what I want to do for our upcoming anniversary (Feb 8). My response was, “What are you talking about?” He responded that we can go somewhere maybe for the weekend . . . and take Ashtyn with us. There is really only one problem with this equation. I’m actually okay with Ashtyn being with us–mainly because we’re not quite at that place where we’d be comfortable leaving her with anybody overnight. HOWEVER, it’s like he’s never ridden in the car with our daughter!! I reminded him that if we were going anywhere for the weekend that included driving more than fifteen minutes, it’s obviously a bad decision. After a moment of remembering this, he agreed.
So, it looks like we’ll be staying in the great city of Colorado Springs. I do need to plan something though. We usually combine celebrating Valentine’s Day and our anniversary since they’re so close. I don’t mind this either, as long as there are heart boxes with chocolates and super sweet cards and all that good stuff (Jeff is good about these things. It really only takes one or two times of not doing these things that makes one realize how important they are to the other person. 🙂 ) But lucky for me, Jeff’s always been pretty sweet. So, basically, more chocolate is in my future. Not a bad thing.
Anyway, so I had coffee with a good friend of mine last week and realized during our date that I was rambling about me turning forty. Yes, I’m only thirty. But suddenly we were talking about where we are in life and such, and I just started panicking about forty looming over me. You know how everybody tells you that time really starts whizzing by when you have kids? Well, what if that’s really true and I turn around and I’m forty? Terrifying. I don’t know why it’s so scary–I mean, I do know actually–but forty just does not sound like the new thirty to me. You know what I mean? Anyway, my sweet friend (who is younger than me and probably less paranoid) is sitting there and listening to me have a meltdown about my life being over.
But it’s not, and I know it’s not. I just don’t want years to go by so fast, and for me to wonder if I made the most of them. But I think “making the most of things” is different for everybody. I mean, I know some people are all about not doing mindless activities and wasting time. But if it’s something you enjoy, does it matter if it’s mindless? I don’t think–for me, at least–it matters. The other day I was thinking that here I am, watching a movie I’ve watched a zillion times, not really doing anything. Just, you know, sitting here while Ashtyn’s playing on the floor. Then it occurred to me, there are only so many days for me to sit here with her when she’s 17 months old. And I would rather sit here and watch her (and a favorite movie) than do so many other things. So, I don’t care if I’m being productive or not. It’s worth it to me.
When I was in high school, my best friend and I were hooked on Days of Our Lives. I switched over to General Hospital during college, and had to give up altogether when I was working full-time. But I can really say that watching Days with Michelle are fantastic memories for me. It wasn’t wasted time. We were totally into Stefano and Marlena and Bo and Hope and we loved watching it together and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And if we’re together even now one afternoon and watch it–I’ll love it b/c we’re doing it together and enjoying it together.
SO, I’m not all that opposed to mindless stuff. This is probably not a shock to anyone. I’m not opposed to non-mindless stuff either. 🙂 And I really do like the feeling of accomplishing something worthwhile. But again, defining that can look different for me than for someone else.
So, I’m trying not to worry about turning forty. Worrying isn’t productive and isn’t fun. But I do want to feel like the years in between thirty and forty are filled up by things that are worth remembering. And celebrating anniversaries is something to remember. So I’ll be thinking of something to do to celebrate seven years married.