Purpose

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to live with purpose. I’ve been working on a new book proposal and my main character is going through this time of dealing with disappointment and reexamining her life–and she decides she wants to start living with purpose. So, of course, I’m going through this with her and trying to figure out a way to put into words what this might look like for her.

Purpose? What does this mean to me?

Hmmm. Well, this might look different in specific areas of life. For example, as a Christian, I believe my purpose is to know God and to love Him, to live with integrity, to love and serve others. Last week we took Ashtyn in for her first round of shots. During our very first visit, her doctor mentioned casually that he’d worked in Africa for a while years ago. So last week, I asked him about it. He said that about ten years ago he and his wife felt like they were frustrated with the rat race, with the fact that life seemed to be just about gaining material possessions. They decided to move their family to Africa. Why? Because they wanted to serve. So, in order to live with purpose, this doctor and his family moved to a place where there was very little food, where drinking a Pepsi is a luxury, where life looked completely different for them. All because they wanted to be able to really know what it feels like to live a life of service.

To me, that sounds like purposeful living. In a big way. And it’s inspiring. But what about the small ways? The small ways make a difference too. Maybe it looks like being available to a friend who’s going through a difficult time. Or listening to someone who needs to process something they’re going through. Maybe it’s giving a little gift to show someone you care. Or writing a letter to tell someone you thought of them. Or spending a few minutes to pray for someone you barely know. Or even spending some time praying for those you do know. Maybe it’s holding your baby and taking a moment to recognize that these moments go fast–absorb all you can. Letting go of that anger you had toward your spouse. Forgiving him or her, without even telling them you were angry. Just moving on and choosing to pick your battles wisely. Maybe it’s something as small as cooking dinner for your family. Or enjoying a really good glass of wine.

Living with purpose. I want that. I want to be amazed by the mountains, even though I see them every day. I want to still love curling up with a good book that I’ve read a dozen times. I want to really appreciate a good cup of coffee. I want to feel excited when we pull out the Christmas tree. I want to be the kind of wife who holds her husband’s hand when they walk together. I want to be the kind of girl who dances with her sisters. I want to laugh until I cry. I want to be the kind of woman who prays for her Compassion kids and hurts for those who are suffering. I want my friends to know I care about them. I want to smile when I hear a really good song. I want Ashtyn to always know she’s loved.

I think if anyone lived with purpose, it was Jesus. In 33 years he changed history. Think of all the random people he touched that we don’t know about. I think he made a difference every day. I think he absolutely lived in the moment, but with the knowledge and understanding that there’s so much more ahead. To be fully alive but to keep in mind that this life is just a step away from what’s beyond. To understand that it’s so important for someone’s soul to be reconciled to God, but that it’s also so important for that person to have something to eat today. Jesus lived that way. He healed and ministered and taught–but don’t you think there were those moments when he just laughed with his friends? When he enjoyed a really amazing sunrise. When he tasted a delicious meal. When he felt the warm hug of a true friend. When he cried from pain. When he sensed death but held on to his courage.

I think living purposefully happens even when we’re in pain. Like the day Ashtyn was born. Pain, definitely. But it was also the day I became a mother. I’d do it all over again to hold her even for one day.

So . . . my conclusion. Being purposeful is being like Jesus. Having a servant’s heart. Being a really good friend. Living in the moment with the awareness of what’s really important, what will last. Understanding how blessed I am and being grateful.

Sounds good to me. That’s how I want to live.

Mommy vs. Daddy

So I read this article online about jealousy between parents when it comes to bonding with baby. The core message was that moms still feel they need to be “the savior” when it comes to parenting. What does this mean exactly? As moms, we should be more intuititve, instinctive, nurturing, wise–basically, parenting should just come natural to us. And if it doesn’t, we feel guilty.

True? Maybe. For the most part. I’m sure it’s different for everyone. For me, I’m still really new to this parenting thing. Ashtyn is only 9 weeks old. I’m not sure I gave a lot of thought to my expectations about mommy and daddy roles before she was born, but now that she’s here–I’ve thought about it. From day one, Jeff was super involved with taking care of Ashtyn. And from day one, I was exhausted and emotionally spent. Breastfeeding didn’t quite work out the way I thought it would. Healing and recovery took longer than expected. It’s taken a while for me to finally feel like . . . me. And Jeff jumped in to be that extra help I needed. So where are we now? Definitely on equal ground when it comes to taking care of baby. Some moments one of us has more patience and therefore can seem to gain more ground with Ash. But it’s a team effort almost every step of the way. That can cause all kinds of mixed feelings. I’m the mom, right? Shouldn’t I have some innate perspective on what my baby needs? I don’t know. I do know I need Jeff’s help. I can see where all the guilt about motherhood stems from. It’s almost as if we’re expected to have all the answers when it comes to our children. And when we don’t, or when we’re too tired to feel anything–guilt, come on down. 

I’ve never been one of those people who’s just crazy about kids. Babysitting was not my favorite past-time. But when I was about 14, my youngest sister was born. And from the moment I held her, I was hooked. She was small and beautiful and I loved her. And so when it came to having my own baby, I wasn’t too worried. No, I’m not crazy about all things childwise. But I had a feeling when it came to holding my own baby in my arms, I’d be hooked.

And I was right. She’s tiny and beautiful and she needs me. And it didn’t take long before I realized that I need her. I miss her if I’m away from her for too long or if I haven’t held her in a while. I still definitely need time to myself, but I need time with Ashtyn too. So can there be jealousy between mom and dad on who’s bonded more with baby? Who does baby reach for? I can see the potential. And the importance of avoiding that sort of thing. So what can I do? Remind myself that I’m so, so lucky to have a husband who wants to be so involved, who’s fine with getting up and changing diapers in the middle of the night, and who can’t seem to stop telling me how beautiful our baby is. Remind myself that even Scripture tells me that two are better than one. I need his help. I’m not supermom. I don’t need to do everything by myself. Remind myself that I was a little girl once with a daddy who adored her–actually, I’m still a girl with a dad who loves her and would do anything for her. Even fly in from Afghanistan to be there when she has her own baby. And what has that meant to me? Everything.

So I’ll just keep remembering how blessed Ashtyn is to have both a mommy and daddy who love her. And not waste time worrying about whether or not one of us is doing a better job. This new life is a big enough adjustment without adding jealousy into the mix.

 http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/10/17/parenting.moms.jealous/index.html

Blog Tour and Interview with Siri Mitchell!

Born with the face of an angel, Marget Barnardsen is blessed. Her father is a knight, and now she is to be married to the Earl of Lytham. Her destiny is guaranteed … at least, it would seem so. But when her introduction to court goes awry and Queen Elizabeth despises her, Marget fears she’s lost her husband forever. Desperate to win him back, she’ll do whatever it takes to discover how she failed and capture again the love of a man bound to the queen.

If you’ve never read a Siri Mitchell novel, it’s time you did. Mick Silva first introduced me to Siri’s novel Kissing Adrien and I’ve been a fan ever since. Her book Chateau of Echoes is the kind of story I can read over and over. A Constant Heart is her first historical fiction novel and I’m so excited about it. Siri was kind enough to answer a few questions for me. See below!

BB: I’m familiar with Kissing Adrien, Chateau of Echoes and Moon over Tokyo–it seems like A Constant Heart is a new genre for you (historical fiction). Where did the inspiration for this story come from? 

SM: A Constant Heart represents a new path in publishing for me. It’s my first historical and is set in Elizabethan England where beauty is a curse, friendship is bought and sold, and true love is the unpardonable sin. I knew I wanted to write a historical and I wanted to investigate what it would have been like to be a woman in a different era. I’ve always been interested in fashion, so that’s where I started my research. The more I read about the history of fashion, the more I realized I wanted to write about women in past eras and how (and why) they subjected themselves to dangerous beauty practices. The fashion element in this book was the use of lead-based cosmetics at the Elizabethan Court (and the resulting lead poisoning). The idea that a woman would destroy her body while trying to become beautiful was haunting. And I found the thought of love not being the answer (to any question at the Elizabethan Court) to be fascinating.

BB: Do you have a specific writing style? (Such as beginning with an outline, starting by writing the ending, just writing as it comes to you, etc.)

SM: In general, I’ve usually started with a character. After I have the character, a solid beginning, a possible ending, and several scenes in between, then I settle on a timeline. I usually block out the timeline in my draft, page-breaking between the time periods (months or years). After that, I’ll add everything that I think will need to happen in that time period (birthdays, holidays, seasonal chores, etc.) And then, I just start typing!

BB: Can you give me a glimpse into your publishing history?  (Did you go through an agent? Start out at writers conferences? Suffer rejections before the blessed arrival of a contract?  )

SM: I began writing in 1994; 4 manuscripts, 10 years, and 153 rejections later, my first book went under contract in 2004. But it wasn’t actually my ‘first’ book that got contracted; it was a fifth book that I wrote just for the publisher. They had read my non-fiction manuscript (Christians Should be More Parisian) and a fiction manuscript (which would later be published as Chateau of Echoes) and they asked if I could turn the non-fiction manuscript into a novel. After having written for 10 years without any publisher or agent interest, it actually took me a month or two to decide whether I really wanted to write a fifth manuscript without a firm commitment to publish. Eventually, I decided that I would try and, after having read some sample chapters, Harvest House contracted Kissing Adrien as well as the second manuscript I had written, Something Beyond the Sky. Of course, when it rains it pours, and coincidental to the Harvest House contract, I contracted with my first agent, Chip MacGregor as well.

BB: What are you currently reading?

SM: I’m well into the research phase of my writing cycle, so I’m reading titles like “Mrs. Astor’s New York,” “In a Gilded Cage,” “Plot & Structure,” and “The Right Dog for You.” You’ll have to read my 2010 release to see how they all fit together!

BB: Favorite place you’ve ever traveled to?

SM: Paris. But we lived there from 1996 – 2000. Does that still count?

BB: Of course!

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0764204319/